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| 10:29pm 28/01/2006 |
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Everyone but me got laid tonight.
= /
oh well, back to video games. |
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| Yeah, sorry about that. My balls just get away from me sometimes... |
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| 02:34am 08/01/2006 |
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mood:  embarrassed
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So, several quick, random things to throw out there.
1) Funniest thing I've seen done to force an introduction with a girl? Purposefully hitting the ball off the pool table, at them a table or two away.
- Didn't work, but E for effort.
2) Awesome quote -
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
I don't think it's neccessarily a bad thing. sometimes I feel great when I wake up, and when you've been really low, great is good enough forever.
3) I need to get out more. I really feel like the best part of my life has been spent being shy, scared, and lonely. I think it's about time to do something
about it. Now, if I only knew what or how... I'd be set.
4) I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night for the last two weeks, all because of someone's christmas present to me.
- sadly no, it's not sexual, unless you have a fetish for prettily rendered multiplayer RPG's. I don't, but whatever floats your boat...
5) That said, I left the big computer at home, went back to stl, and now it's time to get real sleep.
- Goodnight moon, goodnight mouse, goodnight bear, and goodnight house. |
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| 12:26am 25/12/2005 |
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It just dawned on me that this is the first christmas eve I can remember without my grandfather...
Wierd the shit that happend this year... So much changed and I'm just now noticing. |
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| Christmas Post |
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| 12:05am 25/12/2005 |
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mood:  whimsical music: It's Chrismas Eve, no sounds... not even a mouse...
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Well, having time to breathe and think has at last brought me back to this page.
First things first. Merry Christmas. If that's not your holiday, feel free to pretend I said happy whatever.
My family is definitely learning to cope with its dysfunction. All in all, life here is much more tolerable now than it was in any memory I have of it. I don't know why, but I would guess it has alot to do with the fact that I've quit contributing the majority of the tension and no one has stepped up to really fill my role.
I was Suzy Homemaker for the last couple days, doing my laundy, cleaning the house, and helping cook alot. We made alot of awesome cookies, and as usual the buffet style christmas eve with the family was full of food that took nine hundred times longer to make than to eat.
I managed to pull a 4.0 out of my ass, which makes me happier than I've been the majority of this semester. Now, if I can do it next semester, which will be alot harder (I think) than this one was, it will all be smooth sailing to the end of my degrees. I will have managed to get both my degrees (and my two minors) in 4 years, and graduate with honors. Thanks to my sister this is, of course, the only acceptable outcome. School starts up on the 9th...
Work is still boring, 9/10's of the time. When it's not, I find myself really enjoying what I do. That's a plus I suppose.
House went well the last couple of months. It has been its own little telenovela, but Josh stays upstairs, and has been doing his dishes (big +) and the rest of the world continues to move on. We got a tree, and did all the inside decorations, and all that. = ) I'm a sucker for any sort of togetherness we can eek out of our hectic lives.
I've had some (what I consider) deep thoughts of late, and I might decided to share them later. |
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| 03:32am 23/10/2005 |
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there is no end to how much i hate myself.
no end at all.
I honestly wish I was anyone but me.
will |
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| 07:16pm 11/08/2005 |
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Do you ever read through something you've said (or typed) and get the distinct impression that you were a different person the day you wrote that than on any other day in your life?
As if the events of that day, for one moment, molded you more than they have today-
As if the things you learned and saw and felt made you better (or worse) for a brief piece of your life?
Do you ever wonder where that person went?
Do you ever strive to recall what made that version of you?
Do you ever wonder why a particular thought occured to you?
I reread a post from earlier, well, the comments from a post I made.
I was nearly struck dumb by my response to someone's question.
I thought, that's not really how I feel about that, is it?
And then I realized, that was exactly how I felt about it, just not how the me of now would have responded.
And then I realized I wasn't sure what would make me respond that way. Or if I actually needed encouragement to do so. |
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| 07:12pm 11/08/2005 |
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mood:  pensive
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This is long. I'd summarize it and link it, but that's beyond my understanding of this silly little thing we call a blog. If someone wants to enlighten me, I'd be happy to remove this mass of text from your otherwise beautiful friends page.
I'm at work. I have been at work for nearly 9 hours today. I edited 10 lines of code, had a half hour conversation with my lead programmer, read some webpages, etc... Not nearly 9 hours worth of material. How do I fill the other time in? I don't. I sit here, or read a novel, or laugh at people in the cubes next to me.
I asked for more work. I really did! I went to my boss, and my lead progammer, and said - GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO! and they said sure. Then they didn't. Then about 30 minutes ago, they decided I needed to rewrite the several thousand lines of code I've already rewritten 3 times. Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I fail to meet there specs? No. It works. Exactly like they described it to me. Of course, I've learned that you can't ever take someone's word on what they want. It's not only my job to solve the problem they present me with, it's my job to figure out what the problem they have is, what the solution they really want looks like, how to do that, and how to convince them that's what they need.
This is your tax dollars at work. I've been paid over three thousand dollars to write the same chunk of code 5 times. In three months.
And now - I'm updating my livejournal. = /
Tommorrow I start version 5.0.
Side note - Unrelated to that rant - Is it common for lj users to go back and delete their old entries? should I? When does it happen automatically? I'm much to lazy to look this up on my own, so someone who knows the etiquette for this and/or the rules should tell me.
Side side note - No one came to visit. One person drove through Rolla and said hi. I got 5 applications, more than twice that many verbal promises, and an nausiating number of promises over IM. I'd just like to say that I'm dissapointed in everyone who didn't come visit me, since I've been driving across the freaking country every weekend to see as many people as I can.
Back to the material of this post:
School starts on the 22nd. The party at my house is on the 26th, I think it starts at 8. BYOB or suck up to me. Either way, we're gonna try and have a good time. Life with the roommates is settling down some, though I haven't been home at all to do the motivating/my share of the home improvement work. I keep my stuff clean, and help out when I'm there, but we've stopped making progress. I'm thinking school and the reduced work week will allow me to maybe paint the living room and repair the holes in the walls, which needs to be done. I'm slightly tempted to push back the party in an attempt to do that before we have people over. But they're college kids, they don't care what the house looks like (to a point). I really am beginning to understand why my parents made me clean my room, and why they had kids (can anyone say "cheap housecleaning?").
My parents told me they would pay my rent. I didn't really ask for it, they volunteered. So I move out of the dorms, and they decide that since I have a job, they're not going to pay rent. I'm not saying they're obligated to provide for me, I can do it myself. I just think that if they're not gonna pay rent, they should say that, so I don't go and expect them to do what they say, and then run low on money.
Still single, nearly 12 months later... I donno. Last summer everything looked so bright and shiny - I was dating most of the time, even if they mostly turned out poorly. I didn't change that much, did I? What happened to the people who liked me?
I think I'm done for now. I'm sure I've left out something that someone in the world might be interested in, but it did take me changing my display name to "No one talks to me anymore" to get the first person in 2 weeks to initiate an IM conversation with me. So maybe not... |
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| 09:50pm 27/05/2005 |
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So... life the universe and everything.
I got a 4.0 this semester, which i am very proud of... I took 20 hours of classes, and skipped 3 weeks of school for a funeral and surgery. So.. Huzzah.
Work is getting enjoyable. I'm learning alot, and making good money to do so. Most of my work is actually just reading new languages/libraries and some research work; very much my idea of a good job.
Just moved into my house last weekend... i'm gonna kill my roommates. One stole the room I picked, and left me with by far the worse room in the house. So a weekend of repairs and alot of money spent later, I know have the nicest room (in my opinion) in the house. I don't have a desk yet, but that should be fixed tommorrow. That same roommate has grand plans for what needs to get done in the house, but i don't think he has fully thought them through yet, nor will he take the time to tell anyone else about them. We apparently agreed to wait till this monday to talk to our landlord about the stuff I want to do repairs/modifications on.... Another thing I don't think they fully thought through before agreeing to.
I donno. I think i'm done venting. |
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| Applications |
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| 12:24pm 07/05/2005 |
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mood: silly
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First, kyle, you can't apply. You live here.
Second - please keep in mind, do to the high demand on this particular position, all applications will be first come first serve:
Name:
DOB:
Date/Time of Intended Arrival :
Date/TIme of Intended Departure:
Do you have special food requirements?
Is there something specific you would like to do for entertainment?
Are you planning on bringing anyone with you? if yes, who?
(Warning: Any applicants who arrive or depart close to the 17th of June will be required to give me a birthday gift of some sort, be it as simple as a hug or as awesome as a car. No kyle, this is not an excuse for you to hug me.)
(Warning: We as management reserve the right to change this application at anytime, and sadly to cancel accpeted applications due to acts of life beyond our control. Any such cancelation will be refunded in full with a trip to the applicant and an apology for the inconvienience.)
Thanks for your time, and good luck. |
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| Some stuff... I donno anymore.... |
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| 01:38am 05/05/2005 |
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*Just once, I want to be someone hard to leave... I want someone to stay up all night and think about me.*
That's the quote I stole from a girl who loves me. ;) She used it forever ago, but i've felt this way as long as I can remember.
I took this "What does your name mean?" quiz today and got answers i thought fit me very well, but when I c/p'ed it to put here to entertain you all, it didn't. I went back to the site, and redid it so I could copy the results and?
Randomly generated. Second set? not me at all... I was pissed.
Hrm....
Still healing.
Taking applications for the right to come visit me this summer, cause i'll be bored outta my mind in Rolla.
I don't know if any of you read PostSecret, but a friend hooked me on it and this one caught my eye -
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/296/2612/1024/idiot.jpg
I don't have anything worthwhile to say apparenntly... I'll try and find something later. |
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| Death by Spaghetti-o! |
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| 11:00pm 19/04/2005 |
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mood:  drained
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If you die from internal hemmoraging from a copy-righted product, do you have to ask for permission to put cause of death on the obituary?
I almost died on a spaghetti-o today. I've never felt so emmasculated in my life. It tore the scab in my throat. Apparently mush is just barely past the acceptable softness level for food still.
On a brighter note, an ex came and took care of me today. And by took care of me, i mean she had me make her ice-cream, and rub her back for her while she kept the boredom away.
So... surgery again thursday... and I'm officially never going to get caught up in class next week.
Sleep comes quickly to the weary. |
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| Surgery Is Over With... Till Thursday |
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| 11:27pm 17/04/2005 |
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Well, I'm all done with the first set of surgeries. Apparently they went well, and I'm an amazingly quick healer. That said, it should still be about a week before I can eat anything more solid than jello, or speak in a normal voice. The nurse I had when I first got there was amazing, so amazing I told them I wanted her to be my nurse when I got back from surgery, so they moved me and made it happen. There was a girl volunteering there in the morning while they were getting me ready to go that was amazingly cute, but circumstances were such that I couldn't talk to her. (Mostly cause i didn't have pants on...)
Some nurse lied to me about trying to find my glasses for me, because they made me give them to my parents before they took me in for surgery. The reason I wanted them back was because they put me in this bright room and trying to see stuff kept making me feel sick. She said, sure, i'll try and find them for you, then she walked across the room and stood there talking to some other nurse for like 10 minutes. I was pissed, of course, the thing about having a giant scab for a throat is that you can't really complain vocally.
The surgeries I got seem to be very counter-productive on healing. I'm sort of amazed they let you get them both at the same time. The throat one prevents the nasal one from draining properly, and the nasal one forces me to breathe through my mouth the whole time, drying my throat and mouth out.
On a brighter note - people have been coming to visit, though sadly I feel asleep through one such visit today.
I'd like to thank Mike, Cat, and Jen, for being wonderfully entertaining when everything else becomes rapidly boring.
Okay, time to go take care of all the gross healing stuff I have to do and won't bother to tell you about. |
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| Stuff. No I don't want to be a veterinarian... |
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| 12:25am 07/04/2005 |
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mood: discontent
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So I got an 88 on my Diff Equations test, which pisses me off, cause i know how to do it all, and I don't know what was wrong with the work I did, cause my fucking TA only marks off points, and doesn't put what the error was.
I also heard that a good friend is now in the hospital for what they think is appendicitis. (btw, good friend reads - amazingly smart, funny, attractive girl that i've thrown myself at since the day we were introduced.) She was worried, so I told her she couldn't die this week, my schedule was full, and my suit would be in the dry cleaners.
I went to the wake for my grandfather, and realized alot of stuff in a short time. The extent of the revelations and deep thoughts that swarmed me in those hours is mostly lost now, my time having been spent on trying to make the best of it. The stuff I can remember is gathered below, and will (maybe) get edited, sorted, commented, or conversed about.
i) I realized that I am proud to have my grandfathers name, and hope it will be spoken with as much honor and fondness at my own celebration, when the time comes.
ii) I realized that with my grandfather and the rest of his generation, dies a truely remarkable portion of our culture.
--My grandfather grew up in LA through desegregation, he did his hw by firelight in the living room of his farmhouse, he was the ultimate southern gentleman, and people loved him for it.
iii) I realized that the faults of one's parents are not always passed to the next, though it is a frequent occurence and something that disheartens me immensly.
iiia) It was demonstrated also that the wonders/abilities/(good traits) of one's parents are less frequently transmitted than their faults.
--I would take some time today to continue this set of entries, thoughts and emotions; but i am rather tired of talking about them to everyone. I know you all mean well, but just quit asking about how I am for a while. |
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| I feel so empty... |
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| 09:14pm 04/04/2005 |
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mood: numb music: Mr. Lonely - Akon
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My grandfather just died. Like, I just got off the phone from hearing about it.
Is it strange that I don't feel anything really?
I like to think it's because i know it's what he really wanted, he'd been sick for so long; but shouldn't I still be sad?
Maybe it's the codine I'm on. Maybe I'll feel it when I carry his casket. I don't know.
I have to go home for the funeral and visitation and stuff, and im going to miss more school for that and surgery... I don't know how I am going to keep up my grades...
Life. That's all i can say. |
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| Going Under.... |
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| 01:38am 29/03/2005 |
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music: Clark Gable - Postal Service
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The knife that is...
Got done with some doctor stuff today, verdict :
They're taking out my tonsils and rebuilding/straightening my nose and sinuses on April 15th.
+side:
I'll be able to breathe and eat and sleep after that.
I get to miss a week of school.
-side:
I get to have surgery.
I get to miss a week of school.
Woohoo huh? |
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| 11:46pm 24/03/2005 |
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music: Damien Rice - Cold Waters
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If I died tommorrow:
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you take off work if you had to?
If you couldn't?
Send flowers or send memories?
Would it matter?
How much would it change your life?
Don't answer anything here, unless you're being completely honest to both of us.
You might find your answers suprise you more than they do me.
Maybe not, but i doubt it.
Just something to think about. |
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| As requested, something to hold you over till I really need to bitch and whine at the world... |
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| 01:45pm 17/03/2005 |
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P... Phosphorous
You scored 47 Mass, 49 Electronegativity, 39 Metal, and 10 Radioactivity! |
You're high energy... really high. Unfortunately, you don't always put
your energy to calm constructive use and sometimes let it all out in
intense bursts. If your energy can be harnessed however, you will
produce truly great things. I suggest you take up a job that runs you
ragged... like opening and closing a Sodium-Potassium pump. Socially
you ought to hang with a crowd that is even more social than you. If
you don't, well... all those people who spontaneously combusted
throughout history... you guessed it, phosphorous people who didn't
have enough to occupy themselves. When picking friends make sure most
of them rated high on the electronegativity scale... Chlorines, Oxygens
and whatnot. |  |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 75% on Mass | | You scored higher than 92% on Electroneg | | You scored higher than 22% on Metal | | You scored higher than 41% on Radioactivity |
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| 08:40pm 03/02/2005 |
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mood:  angry music: Does it honestly matter? Does anyone care?
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I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS! I DON'T ALWAYS NEED YOURS! I LOVE TO HELP, BUT ONLY SO LONG AS IT IS APPRECIATED!
Would a little please and thank you hurt? really?
Cause this is it. I'm at the end. |
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| Hmmm..... Err.... Yep! |
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| 02:35pm 03/02/2005 |
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mood: confused music: TISM - Everyone Else has had....
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I've decided I'm strangely like that dog you hear about - the one that's always chasing cars....
For me it's one of three beautiful girls I know. I've been chasing them for so long; and some recent events have strongly led me to believe that if I actually managed to end up with one of them some day, it would fail miserably simply because I would have no idea what to do if I actually caught one.
On a different note, classes suck, except band, cause i blow. =D
On a different note, I talked to a friend I haven't seen since HS online the other day for a little while, only to realize that it was her roommate on her computer and not her.
For something fun to do - Search google for the flash video to TISM's "Everyone Else has had More Sex Than Me..."
(It's funny, and not dirty, if you're worried about that)
For something deep-ish, comment to me what you think makes a person a friend? What "earns" or "loses" that title for a person?
-Convienience? Emotion? Comfort? Something All-together different?
The reason I ask is that i honestly don't know that I can tell anymore; and that worries me a little. |
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| Scars |
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| 03:35pm 22/01/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: Home - Sevendut
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I don't really know what I'm going to write here today. I haven't finished thinking about it all yet.
I quite frequently will talk to a friend of a friend for fun, that's how I know most of you. Recently, I've been having some really good conversations with the wierdest people, in my opinion. Wierd not in personality; but in depth of character and reason, and the fact that I don't know them in the slightest.
I was just thinking I would throw some thoughts that occured either during or as a result of these conversations and see what the reading public - all three of you - thought about any or all of them.
Say what comes to mind, if anything; and if not, well, worse things have happened. *smiles*
Thoughts Comical or Non-personal
1) We've decided that the quickest way to solve America's obesity "epidemic" is to outlaw the wearing of clothes in public and reduce the building code allowable door size limits. People will work very very hard to stay at least moderately in shape so that they can still comfortably leave the house and enter/leave the buildings which they need to use.
2) I need a 1-10 cheesy rating for these; I thought they were good and everyone else disagreed. I don't really use lines, but sometimes it's funny to try and be suave.
- girl: g2g, time to get my beauty sleep
- me : beauty sleep? stay up all night, give the rest of the girls a chance to catch up.
- girl: if you could be anything, what would it be?
- me : I would be one of your tears. Born from your eyes, to live upon your cheek, and die upon your
lips.
3) To be added continued next time I post.
To be edited to completeness later... I've lost interest in finishing this forum like experiment. I'll finish later... |
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whisper_42's journal
